Saturday, December 31, 2011

Enter the Dragon

Go buy it.
It will change your life.
Also, there is a chinese guy with a hitler mustache in it.
Bruce is a God.
He hits so fast.
If he fought anyone they would die.

"Boards don't hit back." - Bruce Lee

Shaolin Abbott: "Now, you must remember: the enemy has only images and illusions behind which he hides his true motives. Destroy the image and you will break the enemy."

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Let's Go To Prision

Dax Shepard plays a lifetime criminal who has just been released. He plans on tormenting and murdering the Judge that has sent him to prision most of his life. That judge dies 3 days before he is released. Instead John Lyshitski, Dax Shepard, sets his revenge upon the judge's son Nelson Biederman IV, Will Arnett. Will Arnett's character is sent to prison and Dax Shepard's character purposly gets arrested to follow him. In prison John Lyshitski becomes cell mates with Nelson Biederman IV. John, raised in prison, focuses his time on tormenting Nelson while convincing Nelson that he is acting in his best interest.

He protects Nelson by claiming Nelson as his bitch. Which he then sells to Chi Macbride's character.

"dear new pen pal, my name is Nelson Beaterman the fourth, i'm 30 years old, and I've been in prison for three months. In this hell hole I've had my ass kicked so many times, my ass has foot prints in it. But you know what? I think I'm going to make it. At least I know it cant possibly get any worse. Anyway... thanks for listening. I'll have to sign off now, as someone is pissing on me. Your new friend; Nelson." - Nelson Biederman IV

This film critiques the Justice System in the United States:
"Our justice system sucks. You know, there are over two million Americans behind bars. That's a little larger than the population of Houston. Every year, there are enough children born in prison to fill 250 Little League teams and enough people are raped in prison to fill a stadium more than three times. Can you picture that? Three stadiums full of people raping each other? I know I can. - John Lyshitski

"It costs $54 a day to keep a person in prison, which comes out to $75 million a day nationally. That's $28 billion a year. When you think about it, wouldn't it be cheaper just to let us keep your goddamn car stereos?" - John Lyshitski

This is great movie if you like dry comedy with social commentary. It is a great insight into the mind of fictional representations of criminals.

"leonard was the kinda dickhead that gives nazis a bad name"

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Iron Clad

It feels like a History Channel production with a huge budget.
If you like history or are a man go see it.
If you can understand Honor then go see it.
That excludes most born in the 1990's onward.
The violence is great you can really see dismemberment etc.
Paul Giamatti is great.

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol

Yes it is worth seeing. In the movie theatre. Once. Don't buy it. I saw for the second time last night. It was extremely less enjoyable. The stunts that Tom Cruise preformed were great. It was a great action film. The plot didn't make that much sense but was predictable. The acting wasn't good. If you want emotion that doesn't rely on violins then, don't watch this. IF you want a plot, don't watch this. It makes sense in that it's an action film.
As an action film it is ok. It's worth seeing once, not twice. Don't buy it, just watch it. If you watch it a second, the parts that are supposed to be fun look extremely forced and it's really awkward.

Saturday, December 24, 2011

American Psycho - Worth Watching

American Psycho is definitely worth watching. It has very dark humor in it. A great critique on narcissism of yuppies from the 1980's. It is a great insiders look to the mind of a crazy person. The main Actor is Christian Bale, who plays Patrick Bateman a wall street guy .

"We talked about how Martian-like Patrick Bateman was, how he was looking at the world like somebody from another planet, watching what people did and trying to work out the right way to behave. And then one day he called me and he had been watching Tom Cruise on David Letterman, and he just had this very intense friendliness with nothing behind the eyes, and he was really taken with this energy." - The films Director Marry Haron about where Christian Bale got his inspiration for the role. According to the Huffington Post.

Basically you get to see Christian Bale doing a Tom Cruise impersonation while Tom Cruise is playing wall street guy in the 1980's. It is great. It is an amazing ride to see Patrick Bateman completely lose his mind. The film is a dark comedy. If you love Wonder Showzen you will love this. This movie is disturbingly great.

FUN FACT: Dexter is based off of this film. According to Wikipedia: "In the sixth episode of the first season the title character is even revealed to use the alias of "Dr. Patrick Bateman" to buy narcotics."

So you want some brutal fun time gather the gang together and watch the film that inspired the creation of Dexter.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Wonder Showzen

This is completely worth watching. Unless you are religious conservative. Then much like a sex negative feminist you probably do not understand humor. In the second episode God is revealed to be black and destroys the world. Then a puppet that is an atheist lies to himself so that he can go to heaven and convince God to put the world back together an idea that a live action little girl said. The puppet defeats God at rock paper scissors. God can't take losing and commits suicide after rebuilding the world. Then the puppet & the little girl, Caitlin, eat the body of God. The episode ends with Todays' Wonder Showzen brought to you by Whitey's Gobtastic God Sauce: "Lordy, that Lord Meat is ass-kickin' hot"

That is only one instance in why this show is the best show with puppets and children for adults. It is amazing. Personally one of my favorite shows ever.

The Sitter

This movie is not worth watching.
This movie is not worth watching if you have your life together and if you are a Man. If you are hipster you should watch this. If you are a homosexual then you should definitely watch this. If you are girl, there really aren't "hot" male actors so, if you want to then sure watch it. If you live at home with your parents and have been kicked out of college and are overweight then yes totally watch this. If you let women and other people make decisions for you then watch this.
David Gordon Green the director of this film and Pineapple Express seems extremely interested in drugs. Both films have featured drug dealers as villains. James Franco makes a brief cameo in this film, you have to watch to catch him on a tv in a scene. Kreayshawn's "Gucci Gucci" can be overheard at a hipster party. If you are hipster and since this is a blog, most of the audience is then yeah go watch it. The main character is someone with low self-esteem and almost as worse as the guy from Cloverfield. There is an awesome scene where the main character has just risked his life and now his "girlfriend" says that they are just friends; when a guy that she is in love with is in the room. Very funny.
You will cheer for the "hero" if you are against taking personal responsibility. If you are middle class you will support him. If you have a job, you probably won't. The story isn't plausible but that doesn't matter. It has kids in it and they are funny. The kid from El Salvador is awesome. He is quite the fire-cracker. The movie makes a great comment on young girls acting like adults and imitating people like Paris Hilton and that being a bad thing. I wish that message was more widespread. The film is Rated R by the way. There is "bad language" and a lot of drugs. Drugs are a plot mover in this film. It feels like the entire movie is made up of stock characters from other movies.
A lot of the characters feel like stereotypes to me. Oh there is a gay guy and he is on rollerblades. Hey look an asian with poor english. Oh look a crazy violent coke dealer. Oh look some black people...obviously they are in a gang. Obviously the white male character will be completely and immediately accepted by them. What a jolly fun time for all.
This must have been written by a loser that has never gone out of his house. Probably a basement dweller from 4 chan, not that there is anything necessarily wrong with that. Still, the main character that is a complete loser and not a man instantly gets an attractive girlfriend that has always been attracted to him, but afraid to talk to him??? Really?
I didn't know that hipsters were really into Cocaine until watching this. So if you want a heart warming story that is a white/hipster cocaine-fueled version of "Are WE There Yet?" & "Broke Back Mountain for kids"; then go see "The Sitter" with Jonah Hill. If you are feeling down this movie might pick you up. If you already are up it will just make you shake your head.

Oh yeah: The main female character: the "girlfriend" is Caroline from Nick & Norah's Infinite Playlist. So yeah, uber hipster. Or as they would say: "this flick is deck."

Phantom of the Menace 3D

What is this? Who would make this? This movie was terrible the first time around. Leave it to George Lucas to ruin his movies, this time already a piece of shit film. Yes, dear audience now you can finally see Jar-Jar Binks in 3D technology. Really? This is going to make that lame story better? Georgey boy, look you ruined what was cool about Darth Vader. You turned him into a pussy. You made me hate Star Wars because of the new movies. You ruined Boba Fett. Who is this for anyways? The insane nerd fan boys? Why do they still like this film series? I think this for casual Star Wars fans, kinda like lipstick lesbians. People that will watch it once every 3 years or when it's on TNT or AMC. Not people dressing up for Star Wars unless they are creepy as fuck. Seriously, why? Are you that hard up for cash?